Spanish oddities

You know you’re in Madrid when…

…every other person smokes starting at the age of 14

…metro performers belt out Celine Dion’s My Heart Will Go On without actually knowing what the words mean

…shameless PDA is pretty much everywhere you look

…vespas don’t wait in traffic; they just weave through the idling cars

…the clubs don’t open until one in the morning

…eating churros with chocolate at 7am after an all-nighter is a common pastime

…a dog being walked on a leash is a foreign concept

…going up to a leg of ham and slicing off a piece is completely normal

…everything – except restaurants – are closed from 2pm to 5pm on weekdays and only churches are open on Sundays

…wearing flip-flops clearly marks you as a non-native

…people wearing backpacks on their front to avoid pickpocketing is a common sight

…you start craving croquetas and paella every day of the week

…lunch comes at three pm and dinner at nine

…cookies aren’t for dessert, they’re for breakfast! (and they're all "digestive")

…you can spend a day napping in Retiro and not feel like you’re slacking off

…mullets are the latest and hottest hairstyle

…double parking is so common that you don’t even really notice it anymore, at least until the blocked driver beeps their horn continuously for ten minutes

…you wonder what they’re going to bring you as a snack when you order a drink

…waiting lines are replaced by waiting crowds with no clear order

…meeting times are just suggestions

…drivers think that sitting with their hand on the horn will make traffic jams disappear

…milk is whole, comes in cartons, lasts for a few months and doesn’t have to be kept in the fridge

…one coffee can take one hour to drink, and the waiter doesn’t care

…personal conversations amongst employees are completely acceptable, even if you’re waiting for them to help you

…even waiters can take three or four week long vacations in the summer

…the appropriate greeting to a complete stranger of the opposite sex is a kiss on both cheeks

...commas are periods and periods are commas

…you run from a 700 pound bull for fun

Although I'm sure there are many more, these are all that I can think of right now. I'll update if I remember a critical one!